PARODY / SATIRE — NOT AN OFFICIAL SENATE WEBSITE — FACT LINKS INCLUDED BELOW
Washington, D.C. • September 29, 2026

HAWKS?
HAWKEYES?A fact-based political parody about one very awkward basketball question.

Sen. Eric Schmitt called former special counsel Jack Smith a “total dirt bag” during a Senate Judiciary hearing. Minutes later, Schmitt’s attempt to challenge Smith over an Atlanta Hawks game ran into a basic problem: Smith said he had attended an Iowa Hawkeyes game in Maryland instead.

REAL HEARINGREAL QUOTEREAL TEAM MIX-UPFAKE CAMPAIGN SITE
What happened

The hearing, minus the spin.

Step 1
Schmitt questioned Jack Smith about whether Smith had attended an Atlanta Hawks–Golden State Warriors game in Atlanta on Feb. 3, 2024.
Step 2
Smith denied attending that NBA game and said he had attended a women’s college basketball game in Maryland featuring Iowa and Caitlin Clark.
Step 3
Sen. Amy Klobuchar pointed out the apparent Hawks/Hawkeyes confusion. Associated Press and PBS reported the mix-up.
Step 4
Schmitt had also told Smith, “You will go down as a total dirt bag.” The site title riffs on that remark; it is satire, not a factual title or official nickname.
The line that launched the parody
“You will go down as a total dirt bag.”

— Sen. Eric Schmitt to Jack Smith during the Sept. 29, 2026 Senate Judiciary hearing, as reported in contemporaneous coverage.

Satirical boomerang engaged

Constituent services, sports edition

Hawks or Hawkeyes?

Question: Which team played at the University of Maryland on Feb. 3, 2024, in the game Jack Smith said he attended?

*Not a real team. Included for bipartisan bird confusion.

Facts before punchlines

What this site is — and isn’t — saying.

Fact

Eric Schmitt is a Republican U.S. senator from Missouri and serves on the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Fact

The Sept. 29 exchange involved Schmitt questioning Jack Smith’s whereabouts on Feb. 3, 2024 and raising the Atlanta Hawks game.

Fact

Smith said he instead attended an Iowa Hawkeyes women’s basketball game at Maryland; reporting and video coverage corroborated that distinction.

Satire

“Senator Dirtbag” is the parody title used on this page. It flips Schmitt’s own “total dirt bag” remark back into a comedic site name.

Not claimed

This site does not claim Schmitt committed a crime, lied under oath, or intentionally fabricated the sports-team mix-up.

Also true

A hawk is a bird. A Hawkeye is an Iowan, a university nickname, and — on this particular day — an unexpectedly important distinction.

Receipts

Sources

Parody disclaimer: This is an unofficial satire website. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or operated by Sen. Eric Schmitt, the U.S. Senate, Jack Smith, the Atlanta Hawks, the Iowa Hawkeyes, the University of Maryland, or any campaign or political committee. Factual statements are linked to sources; jokes are jokes.